Unintentionally Long

Have you ever unintentionally broken the law?

What is unintentional?  “Not on purpose”. How far does that extend? I mean I’ve broken several laws, but I wasn’t striving to be a criminal. I just didn’t give a fuck, and wanted to do what I wanted to do. Consequences? Meh. 

I was 18 when I got caught and fined for underaged drinking. It was just a citation, so they didn’t bring me into the station. They also couldn’t bring me home, as it was outside of their jurisdiction. They dropped an adolescent girl off at Denny’s, at two am. No money. Before cell phones.  A waitress gave me some change to use the payphone, but none of my friends answered, and there was no way I was calling my parents. I paced the parking lot, occasionally dozing off on the curb, until I found a friend to pick me up at 7am.  Did I break the law? Yes. Was it intentional? I mean the drinking was, but I wasn’t exactly *trying* to spend the night in a Denny’s parking lot. Did I at least learn a lesson? Not at all.

Shortly after that snafu, I stole my mom’s car and drove from Wisconsin to New Hampshire. I didn’t think of it as theft because it was my mom’s car, and she couldn’t even drive at the time. I headed home when she threatened to call the plates in though. Trouble was, I had no money this time either, so I was at the mercy of the toll collectors. Each one that let me pass, was a Little Victory. I had to beg people to give me money for gas. I only got enough to get me to the next gas station. I decided I couldn’t depend on the charity of strangers. I filled up and took off. Definitely intentional.  

I moved to Colorado after that. Once I got my own place, I headed to Wal-Mart – air mattress, sheets, laundry baskets, microwave, dishes. I filled that cart to overflowing, then I confidently walked right out the door. Nobody thought anything of it. At 18 I looked 15, with an angel face. No one ever suspected me. My shop lifting habit stretched through my entire stint in Colorado. 1000’s of dollars stolen, without a single arrest. Also stealing things for my friends, thinking myself a modern-day Robin Hood.  

Once, when I was between jobs, and struggling to feed myself. I went to the grocery store, this time I did not take a whole cart, just one 5 lb bag of potatoes. I lived off potatoes for a month.  Baked potatoes, breakfast potatoes, potatoes au gratin, french fries, mashed potatoes. Any way you could eat a potato, I came up with it. I kept myself from starving, until my new job started. Sometimes Little Victories fall into a gray area.   

When I was 19 I went to a party with some friends and we found ourselves unwelcome and promptly kicked out. Drunk and irrational we ran down the street vandalizing cars. I found one vehicle unlocked, and emptied my very full bladder into the driver’s seat. At the same time one of my girls found a large rock that she threw through the rear window of a different vehicle, causing the alarm to go off. We made a fast getaway, tires screeching. No police. No arrests. No consequences. Intentional? Well, obviously. What’s the opposite of a Little Victory? How about a monstrous dereliction.

I used to get in fights, but avoided any assault charges. The one time the police were called, they took one look at my 105 lbs and baby face, gave me a stern talking to, and went on their way, figuring I was only a danger to myself.

I took any drug that didn’t come in a syringe. Who cares about legality? I’m just happy to be alive. 

The last time I broke the law, was a DUI when I was 22. It was Valentine’s day. My baby was seven months old. It was my first time out since my pregnancy. I can honestly say that it was completely unintentional. I thought I had been careful and truly felt ok to drive (for once). My blood alcohol content was barely over the limit. It was my first and only time in handcuffs. My tiny frame, cute baby face and mortified sobs did nothing to save me. It was a major slap in the face. The rudest awakening. Good mothers do NOT get arrested. They do NOT drive drunk. They do NOT break laws, ever. So I never did again.  I never drove drunk again, and I have never broken another law intentionally, or otherwise.

Thank goodness for Little Victories.