Hot AF

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

Congratulations! I never thought we’d make it so far.

When we were just a sweet innocent child, we couldn’t imagine any way out. Life was something that just happened to us. We learned that the best way to stay safe was to do what we were told.

When we were just starting to learn about life and seeing glimpses of ourselves outside of the box we were put in, we were told that we had no talent and our main value was our appearance.

When we became teenagers we had our own lives and we gained feedback elsewhere. We smashed the box and started seeking our own validation…from boys. It didn’t take talent, just a brandishing of appearance and the willingness to do what we were told.

Someway, somehow we found our way into the heart of a most beautiful soul. Who planted the seed that maybe we were lovable, after all. And just when we started to believe it was true, he was gone. We learned that anything good could be taken away, at any moment; especially when you least expect it.

Our heart broke into so many pieces it seemed impossible that it could ever be put back together, not that we wanted it to anyways. The only way to survive it was to distract ourselves with pain of our own creation. To cause a train crash so close to the cliff, it was impossible to look away. We learned that our feelings were much too big and dangerous and needed to be shut away.

We started to only accept attention from insincere sources, never from those with genuine intention. Never from those who saw our value and wanted to cherish it. We learned that it was easier to accept mistreatment than love.

When we were a young mother, and eventually married, we learned that our capacity to love and nourish, understand and take care of others is our greatest strength. But we still hadn’t learned to extend that love to ourselves.

We have been wielding all these traumas like a shield. All the reasons we are the way we are. The baggage we carried with us into adulthood is heavy and we are still sifting through. But we have gained perspective and resources. Bit by bit I am chipping away the armor so that you might be free.

But you already know all this and then some. Let us become pen pals and you can share secrets with me so that I might forge an easier path. But then, we didn’t get here on an easy path, and how could it be any other way?

So instead, I wish you peace, and rest, and love, and that you are safe and cherished. May you be free and brave and smash any box you have been put in. I hope you have nurtured many talents and understand more people than you don’t. I hope that you have not had too many things taken unexpectedly, but if you did, that you did not fear the bigness of your feelings and let them be free instead of trapped inside. And I bet you’re still hot AF. xo